Adullams Cave

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Culinary Perfection (One for the Ladies - and the creative men)

As we have been speaking of perfect things I have to tell you something that to many of you may seem trivial but to me is very exciting. Before I tell you though and with tongue formly tucked into my cheek, I feel a need to also announce quite clearly that I am not gay (only of heart). Infact if anything I am extra-hetro but that is a whole other confessional, except to say, that when God was dishing out hetrosexuality I thought he called out 'icecream' and I asked for a double serving. Having stated that, I do inexplicably enjoy the peculiar comfort of pottering around my house in a tastefully colored Moo Moo and believe it or not, 'Simon The Rejected' also gets off big time in the kitchen.

Yeppers...I am, or at least up until recently, I was, a frustrated chef. I say frustrated because as some of you know I've had for what seems like forever a nasty gastritis in my tum tum that has made anything except really bland foods not so yum yum. Anyway these last couple of weeks my tum tum has healed... thank you jesus....and I am back on chilli, coffee (that explains the increased blogging of late), chinese food and all manner of other exotic and spicy foods that titillate my taste buds.

This has been and continues to be a great joy for me because, Jesus knows, I really like my food. This makes perfect sense for anyone who like me once ate drugs for a living, downgraded gradually to steady alcohol intake, dropped further under the sanctifying work of the spirit to a staple diet of inhaled tobacco and an occasional immoral act, until finally by his grace there was nothing left except FOOD!!!! (Well okay, maybe the odd {and I DO mean odd - but not gay odd. Got that!?} illicit movie running through my brain).

So food is it for me people. Its all I got left basically and I'm gonna milk (pun intended) it for all I can while I can. Who knows? He may take it away one day and I'll end up sucking beef puree through a straw and reminiscing of the good old days when I could eat pizza, Thai food and hetrosexual ice cream half an hour before going to bed and still experience an uninterupted 8 hours of pleasant dreams...... Ahhhhh....the good life.

Now, I know I am taking a long time to get there folks but the wait will be worth it if you have love for all things digestable. You see I have over the past couple of years had, from time to time, spiritual culinary secrets dowloaded from my friend Goddy, the master of all masters when it comes to cooking. It started with simple curries and how to make them. He showed me how to make hot and wonderful Nothern Indian curries, side plates of fruit accompaniments included. Then came the Thai green curry which I humbly admit to making superbly. Then joyful exploration into lively salads, middle eastern foods like hummous with falafel and pita breads and pasta sauces with vegetarian bases etc.

I have to say that my growth into cooking has happened quite miraculously. It was not an inclination that was passed down from my either of my parents although my dad knew how to make a mammoth full English sunday breakfast as well as a damn good Yorkshire pudding. But there it ended. As for my mum if she had any inclination towards cooking she hid it from us kids almost as well as she hid her purse. I am not joking; her meat loaf (God bless her) was once patented as a new eatable building material ( the patent was dropped after the company that was interested in it discovered that it was not infact eatable after all). Even our family dog, the German Sheperd learnt how to dial for take out.

Nope, my cooking ability has been supernatural. I only rarely use cook books and traditional recipes. What happens is I usually just get a spur of the moment instinctive compulsion to throw certain foods together and somehow the creation comes out right. Either the Holy Spirit is talking to me at the time or the Iron Chef has astro-travelled all the way from Asia to Australia, into my brain and somehow found a way to translate from Japanese into English these amazing culinary delights. I think the former is more likely dont you? I mean if it were the Iron Chef the big question going begging would be, "Why would he do it?!"

So, this brings me to the reason for this post (apart from the all the coffee I mean) because last night it happened and then again today and I am so excited because it has been so long since I got something new! Last night I planned to have grilled fish and vegetables. Sounds ok huh? Sure it is nice but at the last moment, as I am putting the fish under the grill, I get one of my downloaded flashes from either God or the Iron Chef. It came to me in one split second and it was really quite simple:

"Why don't you put a half cup of canned, diced tomatoes over the fish and then smear a teaspoon of mashed ginger across the top of that and then douse the whole thing in a quarter of a cup of coconut milk and then grill it all together on the foil. Turn it once at the end for a few minutes and you got something that is fish but so much more interesting."

Wow. Sounds simple right? Yep, it took me two minutes and then 10 minutes grilling time and it was Alleluia! It was beautiful. I want you to try it next time you have fish. If you want an even better marinated taste then fry it all together in a pan with the coconut milk. You won't be sorry.

Then today I get another one even better while grabbing some stuff at the store. Again within a moment I see a list of ingredients and I buy them and take them home ready to have lunch!

I took a whole peeled avocadoe, about 4 real good tablespoons of light philedelphia cream cheese, two tablespoons of margarine, quarter cup of diced canned tomatoes, a half teaspoon of mashed ginger, half teaspoon of salt and a handful of diced shallots and then just mashed it all together into a consistent mix. It took me about five minutes to do the lot. I ended up with a 400 gram tub. Whats it for?! To spread on your bread or crackers! Honestly tis wonderful like. I had it on bread rolls with pastrami ham and lettuce. It was so good I had three of them. You can spread it thick or thin to your own liking. TRY IT!!! Maybe you will get a creative dowload yourself and add some twists! Maybe it has already been created but I sure didn't know about it. It is a bonafide miracle!

Anyway, what all this means is that our Goddy is good and really just loves to love us in real gritty personal ways like showing us how to make food that we really like as well as the big giant type ways like the DEATH of His dear SON and our dear BROTHER JESUS upon the CROSS!

All glory to Goddy! (Or just in case; a bit of glory to the Iron Chef - one never knows).


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At 6:45 AM, Blogger Karen said...

Okay, this was definitely the WRONG post for a desperate dieter with food allergies to be reading. :-( I can try your recipes sans tomatoes, though!
This was a hilarious post, Simon!
I'm praising God for your healing! I am SO happy for you!
Send a bit 'o healing my way! :-D

At 12:52 PM, Blogger Bar Bar A said...

Nice visual of you in the moo-moo!

If I cooked, I may try to make this yummy sounding meal. I love to clean, hate to cook. Love to eat though :)

Bless you - looks like you got some spam from a chick who's trying really hard to look intriguing enough to get you to open it!

At 2:28 PM, Blogger Simon said...

Sorry Karen....are you lactose intolerant too? Sometimes these food allergies pass...I too have had them at times in my life. Sometimes if you just try having the offending items in real tiny amounts you can get back to being able to tolerate them again.

Hey Barb...You know I really dont wear a Moo I got the idea from watching the simpsons the other day when Homer starts wearing My mum didnt really patent her meat loaf as a building brick either...

Seriously though...for some reason I feel good in the kitchen...I find cooking relaxing and fun. I am a creative person ...

At 3:44 PM, Blogger Karen said...

moo-moo of either kind! :-)

At 6:01 PM, Blogger BruceD said...

Darn! I really wanted to believe that you wore a moomoo. That would be so real! You've shattered my illusion!

At 9:44 PM, Blogger Simon said...

Hey Bruce...sorry my mate! If it makes you feel any better one of my closest buddies is a cross dresser and one of the strongest believrs in Jesus Christ that I know. He is also in a very committed, hetrosexual marriage.

Maybe I will grow into a Moo Moo one day the way Ive been eating lately.

At 1:15 PM, Blogger Karen said...

I once had a boss that was a cross dresser....I hated that he looked better in a dress than I did....

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